THE HEALING PROCESS

Experience a Loss

Grief is the felt emotion we feel when they experience a loss. It is a natural reaction to the loss of someone important to you. Grief is also the name for the “healing process” that a person goes through after someone close has died. Everyone feels grief after a farm death, but each person’s feelings are different. One person might feel very sad or depressed, while another might feel angry and fearful, empty,achy, hopeless, and lonely. Some may find it helpful to talk about the loss with others. While others may throw their selves into activities to take mind off the loss.

A New Reality

Through the process of mourning and grief we learn to adapt to the detachment, separation and the pain of loss. In time returning to normal activities and new reality without the person. The depth of grief and despair depends on the meaning of loss, which is significantly influenced by the relationship, level of attachment and circumstances of the loss.

Complicated Grief

Complicated Grief, refers to grief reactions and feelings of loss that are debilitating, long lasting, and/or impair your ability to engage in daily activities. It is also characterised by a constant yearning and searching for the deceased, consistent thoughts of the deceased and intense, pangs of painful emotions and depression. It can lead to clinically significant distress and impairment in work and social functioning, such as sleep disturbance, suicidal thinking and behaviour, impairment in relationship functioning, increased use of tobacco and alcohol.

Traumatic Grief

Traumatic Grief, refers to normal grief responses experienced in combination with traumatic distress suffered as a result of a loved one dying in a way perceived to be frightening, horrifying, unexpected, violent and/or traumatic. Traumatic Grief can make us feel guilty and blame ourselves or others. “We can get stuck” in the bereavement and grieving process.

Grief is also the name for the “healing process” that a person goes through after someone close has died

5 STAGE GRIEF CYCLE

Grieving is something that is done by a person, rather than something that happens to him or her. Kübler-Ross’s, 5 Stage Grief Cycle Model is a useful perspective for understanding our own and other people’s emotional reaction to personal trauma and change, irrespective of cause.

The 5 Stage Grief are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance
Identify and Understand

The 5 Stages of Grief are not intended to be worked through and “checked off,” like a list. Rather, they are guideposts, helping us identify and understand what we may be feeling. Not everyone will experience every stage, and many people will go through the stages in a different order.

Women and Men

Women and Men may experience Grief differently, women are more lightly to express their feelings early after loss, reach out for social support, express more sorrow, experience depression, guilt, and they are more willing to talk about the loss. Whereas, men on the other hand are more likely to take on a managerial role, intellectualise their emotions, indicate feelings of anger, fear and loss of control, they also may use denial more or be more private about grief.

Seeking Help

When it comes to seeking help, the solution that repeatedly appeared in both the research and on the information websites, was the use of counselling and support groups. These methods helped to face the loss and provided two main focal points, (a) was allowing the name and memory of the loved one to be addressed. (b) finding other individuals and families that have been through a similar loss.

Someone To Talk To

In a survey conducted be Embrace FARM in 2015 with individuals directly affected by a loss of a loved one. One of the questions posed was … What do you consider are the main supports that are required by those who are dealing with the consequences of a farming accident?. The majority of those who responded said the “someone to talk to in the same situation”

LOSS OF A LOVED ONE

Loss of a Partner/Spouse

For a partner or spouse, with a Farming accident fatality, one of the hardest things to face is the farm. The working environment of the partner you have just lost is a constant reminder of the event. Each story is different, yet that sharp reality can hit you immediately or after a period, there is no clear defining journey during the grieving process. The support network for a grieving spouse or partner shortly after the Farming accident is massive, however as time moves on, this drops away. People may feel they need to avoid a grieving spouse or partner for fear of saying the wrong thing.

Family members may fall into disarray as to how to support during the process. Embrace FARM was established to be there for grieving spouses/partners, in a respectful way to help them remember their lost loves at the annual Remembrance Service and to be a support by sharing and connecting people who have been through this horrific loss in what may be several years after the accident has occurred.

Loss of a Child

There are no words that can convey the absolute torture a parent goes through to see them lose a child. Within the Farming community, it rings even more loudly. Farming families are the back bone of rural Ireland. When a tragic Farming accident occurs where a child has lost their life through no immediate fault of their own or in the moments leading up to the accident, it is one that really makes the community stand still in mourning. With so many risks involved in a Farmer’s day to day life, they strive to provide for the family they raise. A child is their future, their whole world, and the impact at losing their precious baby can have detrimental affects on the parents, remaining siblings, extended family, close friends, relatives and neighbours.

As with any loss, there is anger, blame, repentance so many different feelings to be communicated, at times they aren’t. Having the voice to talk sometimes escapes those who have lost someone so precious. Embrace FARM is a community that in its name wraps itself around those in their grief through shared support and compassion. Parents who need to see how others have coped, remaining siblings who are now grown up in how losing a brother or sister has affected their choices or the choices imposed on them after the Farming accident fatality. Never be alone.

Loss of a Friend/Neighbour

In as much as it’s difficult in losing a close relative, spouse/partner or a child, losing a friend or a neighbour can have a huge impact to fellow members of the Farming or rural community in which the deceased lived. In one way it is the support, being able to call upon that person to help during the busy times on a FARM, and suddenly they are no longer there.

It is in a social way, meeting the person at the mart, at the local feed merchants, discussing the current trends in Farming whatever the situation, you have lost someone who may have been a huge part of your life and you may not realise that until they are gone. There is a grieving process for this type of loss, there is an acceptance and adjustment. There is a moment where it makes may make you think and take stock of your own life when you lose a close friend or neighbour. Embrace FARM is here to be the person to talk to, the place where this loss is understood and where those who are gone are never forgotten.

WHAT'S LEFT BEHIND - VIDEO CAMPAIGN

Farmers who have suffered sudden tragedies can face subsequent challenges in their dealings with issues surrounding ownership, entitlements, scheme applications, succession and inheritance etc. The organisation has also recently, in response to the dramatic increase in FARM accidents and fatalities, embarked on a FARM safety awareness programme that has commenced with the launch of a video campaign ‘What’s Left Behind’, kindly supported by ABP Food Group. It tells, through personal testimony, the harrowing legacy of FARM accidents and those left behind after the loss of a loved one.

What's Left Behind!' Video Campaign
Wife of young farmer killed in accident tells her tragic story
Father of six year old killed on farm tells heart-breaking story
What's Left Behind! Dermot Hogan 1968 - 2014